Cocktail Parties in response to Tea Parties

As a response to the Tea Parties, here is the Cocktail Party:

Are you nauseated and frightened by the growth of Tea Party organizing, and the zany old white people in funny hats at the center of the current media blitz?  It’s time to fight back!  Join The Cocktail Party, a barstool-roots movement for left wing urban homosexuals and the people who love us.  The major planks of this new movement’s platform include:

• Nationalize the banks
  
• Soak the rich with high taxes
  
• Abolish the Senate
  
• Abolish the Electoral College  
• Free public education through college for all  
• Free day care for elders and children  
• National health care  
• Universal accessibility  
• Abolish all student loan, credit card and mortgage debt  
• Withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan, shift resources to the Arts, and to an independent Haiti  
• Forgiveness of all debt of developing countries  
• Outlaw invidious discrimination  
• Abolish prisons for all non violent crime, prioritize community rehabilitation for all crime  
• Decriminalize sex work and drugs  
• Open borders  
• Abolish marriage

This platform is a work in progress.  We seek additional ideas from all leftist urban homosexuals and their comrades.  We acknowledge that this platform will take some time to implement.  We crafted this list of policy goals with the intention, minimally, of  driving the Tea Partiers crazy with rage.  Because we are exactly who they think we are–a motley crew of miscegenated sex crazed lushes who read Marx and Fanon, seeking to support our lifestyles by taking resources from the rich and powerful and redistributing them with abandon.