Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Snake Oil Meteorological Prognostication Medicine Show

It boggles the mind that weather forecasters are able to earn a salary with their 10% success rate at predicting the weather. after our big storm on saturday, it was 'sunny all week until maybe thursday.' it's tuesday, and now they say it will rain all week, sunny 1 day, and then rain for the next 5 and a half years. these people are con artists! soulless gypsies! how do I become one of them? I want a job at which it doesn't ever seem to matter how often you are totally wrong, not because you bet lower by a few degrees what today's "high" was (obviously, it was an opiate of some sort!), but because you can claim sunny all week and then back track to "you f*ckers will never see the sun again in your lifetimes!"

let me do it! i'll tell your weather lies with a pizzazz heretofore unseen in your snake oil meteorological prognostication medicine show!

Sam N. You could always go into politics, those guys don't even have a 10% success rate......................unless you are grading them on SCREWING us that is

So you think I'd make an ugly prostitute, eh? Because that's all you get with politics: a brothel full of ugly whores...with beards, all claiming to be virgins and none of them giving their name. They're similar to weather forecasters, that much is true! They dress horribly, smell like Old Spice and urine, and are drunk before the winter, which they will fail to see. Because weather forecasters are like blind, uneducated, smelly, tasteless, prostitute gypsies doing strange things to elephants and donkeys--in order to perpetually disagree on everything. You say tomato, I say 'FUCK your tomato, you soulless gypsy! I'll bet you can't even tell time or put your shoes on by yourself! I didn't vote for you! I didn't vote at all.'

It's not like forecasting the weather, the choices are worse. The only thing they have in common is the ability with a straight face to tell whole counties they are about to die in a tornado...and then name the wrong county so the poor bastards who are really about to die aren't warned in time...or at all! half of them sitting on toilets or committing some other equally embarrassing act at which they will be found dead with the act half done. Politicians make better weathermen than weathermen. Weathermen make unforgivably insulting politicians and deserve to be run out of town on a rail they bought with taxpayer money! meanwhile, where are the stinkin' prostitutes!?!?!

P.S. I have many head bones. when they vibrate they lull me into a false sense of stupor, and there is nothing dumber than that! like being paralyzed and drunk while being hit repeatedly in the head with a sledgehammer, all while popping pills you neither know what they are or where they came from or who gave them to you! you've been roofied by the weather gypsy sons of bitches! press the ejector button, dear god, man! quick! before it stops raining and roofies the whole city!
Carolyn B. Gypsy is a derogatory term for certain ethnic groups. Let's use GINGERS instead. You can't trust them at all.
Sam N. ^I like your use of ethnic group over race for there is only one race and a bunch of folks who are hung up on their skin pigmentation, religion, sexual preference, politics and ad infinitum.
Carolyn BExactly.It's hair color that will divide us.
Sam N. and you can't trust the Clairol babies for sure lol
So, when Cher sings "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" is she or isn't she being redundant? If the only people I offended were just the weather gypsies, then by god, I haven't done my job! Did I offend any prostitutes? How about pill poppers? I was going for the trifecta. Now, about this end of the world shitstorm that was supposed to hit at 5:00: at 5:00, to prove those weather sonsabitches wrong, I stood in my front yard naked with a windsock hanging from my manly manhood and a propeller cap atop my ample headbones. Do I have to tell you what didn't happen? I was dry, my propeller cap sat motionless, and the only thing filling my windsock was my manly manhood. Once again, the weather gypsies, gingers, maryannes and professors, whatever the hell pc term you crossbred, hybrid driving, WE network watching, crunchy granola liberals want to force me to use, have lied. I advocate assassination of anyone who calls itself a meteorologist. They have sunk even below the lowly astrologists who at least know how to generalize their claims so that their softheaded followers can find a tidbit on which to latch, like a hungry baby to a fingerlong nipple.

and just how the hell did my brilliant expose on the weather lies get turned into a discussion on hair products? what kind of bathsalts are you devils smoking?